DARTA HOON......

As humans we all have various fears stuck in our heads. Fear that a certain matter can't be confronted and fear of falling apart when confronted. Then we have fear of losing, failing, embarrassment, etc. Here, the most biggest fear that i 'm writing is the fear of getting scared by something that i shouldn't be scared off. I feel this fear is nothing but me, myself, my thinking, my thought process, my awkwardness, my negligence, like everytime i underestimate myself.
Now in this one i 'm trying to tell how i feel when i 'm in a state where of all sorts of "Fears" hovering around above my head.

DARTA HOON.....

Darta hoon.... Darta hoon......

Andhere mein chupe us aanewale kalse,

todkar bikher denewale us khaufnaak palse,

lagta hai ek aah uthegi mere apne andar tabhi,

cheekhti hui pukar nikalegi mere dilse jigarse,

isiliye, darta hoon main apne hi darse................

. . . . . . . . . . .

Tanhai ne rok liye ho ghadi ke kaante jaise,

par pad rahi hai kannon mein kuch aahatein jaise,

nazarein utha ke dekhta hoon to nazar aaya hai,

duniya ki bhid guzar rahi hai par bekhabar us manzar se,

isiliye, darta hoon main apne hi darse..................

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Registaan ke garm dhoop aur raeth mein jhulaste jaise,

sard-kaali raaton mein be-libaaz akele bhatakte jaise,

mujhe raah dikhanewale bhi nazar nahi aa rahe abto,

khogayen hain woh, nikal nahi paa rahe woh khud hi dhundse,

isiliye, darta hoon main apne hi darse.................

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Ro-rokar bilagti hai meri dheemi aawaaz jaise,

janmon se tarse ko lagi hai kahin pyaas jaise,

fariyaad to duur, ab khuda bhi mooh mod chuka hai,

dhadkan aur saansein bhi poochen ab mujhse ye sawaal kaise,

isiliye, datra hoon main apne hi darse...................

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Andhere kunwe ki koi guunj ho jaise,

sannaate mein kisiki cheekh ho jaise,

samajh hi nahi paata hai koi dard ye mera,

baarish mein hoon khada, ab ansoo bhi mere gayen hai dhulse,

isiliye, darta hoon main apne hi darse...................

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

- - - - - - - - - - - - MANISH RAJPUT.

Unaccepted Truth

Hey! There are times when u feel all fucked up in ur mind. And when life's going through such a thing, some sit back and weep, some try to move on, get rid off the bad, some hurt others, some hurt themselves and worse! some even commit suicide................ I don't really know how many of us will agree to what i do when i feel really low, and that's writing................. I believe that when one is really high on emotion, can bring down the best of words down on a blank sheet of paper. These are not just words, one can really have a look into what the other is goin through, feel it, live it. I believe in channelising all the negative energy to create something positive.......... Lemme tell u some even abuse me(verbal) when i suggest them this. i know its really tough to get out of it, but still i feel good coz this idea really works for me.
Mmmm..... i have been here, in this situation, and unfortunately more than once. I try writing poems and songs in English and Hindi, as an ex-member of an upcoming hind rock band, it helps coz i also play guitar and do vocals, helps me making some originals. here's one, i was doin my second year B.com, year 03-04. And had a terrible break up. And when bottles n bottles of alcohol didn't work for me, i wrote this......................

UNACCEPTED TRUTH...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

. . . . . . .

I can't see the sky above,

I can't feel the ground,

I want to tell this to somebody,

but my luck, there's nobody around......

. . . . . . .

The loneliness is killing me

i can't sing nor can scream,

doin' the job of turning it to a nightmare

My baby sweet little dream.......

. . . . . . .

Can't help myself

My efforts are going in vain,

my blood is all getting sucked up

outta' my body and my brain.........

. . . . . . .

The wind's moving so fast

taking almost everything with it,

I donno why 'm i going through this pain

when i haven't even done a bit.....

. . . . . . .

My blood is turning black

stagnant in every nerve

how fool was I, who trusted you

And your, full o' fake "love"...............

. . . . . . .

Now there's fog all over

and even sunlight's going dim

I 'm trying to dust away your love

but, its peeling off my skin.....................

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

-----------------------MANISH RAJPUT.

And after this i really felt good about everything. I feel good that i have created some decent thing out of all negative that was going through my mind....